With the recent funk I’ve been in, I thought it would be good to focus on things that make me happy. Here are some, in no particular order:

1. Noodles
2. The smell outside after rain
3. (Properly cared for) puppies and kittens
4. Iced coffee
5. Bubble tea
6. The Davis farmers market
7. Walking outside at night and looking at the stars
8. The ocean
4. Horses
5. The smell of horses
6. Riding horses
7. Cuddling with the hubby
8. Watching snow fall
9. Listening to the rain
10. Hiking in the spring
11. A good glass of wine with friends
12. A new book
13. Anything really soft
14. Meeting new people who are kind
15. My fur babies
16. Trying something new
17. Hot baths
18. Going to new places
19. Sushi, GOOD sushi
20. Shopping (when I have money)
21. Doing something nice for someone
22. Going out to dinner in something pretty
23. Chocolate
24. Hot soup with a glass of milk
25. When my house is clean

This weekend was a little rough for me. It was our 6th anniversary, and last year on our anniversary we announced my pregnancy with Addison. We also signed the papers to move into our house, so it was a very exciting time. I thought it was so amazing that I would be pregnant when we moved in, and that she would spend her childhood here. I planned her room, and imagined everything with her in mind. When we lost her, I couldn’t go into her room for weeks. And to me, it is still HER room.

I really hoped that this year, we could make another announcement on our anniversary. We will never replace her, but I want more than anything to bring a baby home. My body (yet again) is not cooperating. I was not expecting this as we were able to get pregnant with her so quickly. I feel so betrayed by my own flesh. Now that I have my “bionic cervix” I was supposed to be fixed.

My doctor (whom I LOVE, such a difference from my old OB!) has put me on several fertility drugs, but nothing is happening. I know I need to give it time, its only been 4 months since my surgery, and 1 month since I started taking the meds, but so many women in my online groups are getting pregnant right away. While I’m happy for them, I don’t understand why it’s not happing for us. Haven’t we been through enough?

My doctor says all my hormone levels and ovarian reserve look good, but I’m not ovulating. It could be due to stress, but I’ve always been a little ball of stress… I’d love to try acupuncture or other holistic alternative, but I live in a town where the cashiers ask you what tofu tastes like when you check out… I feel like such an island sometimes. I miss Davis, where I was “normal.” I feel like I’m fighting everything everyday.

This week was also tough for other reasons. The lady leading the rescue I got my mare from tuned out to be neglecting her own horses. The pictures were horrifying. I don’t understand how people can be the way they are. It’s exhausting trying to fight with everyone for what I feel is right. Every day my Facebook feed is full of animals of all kinds, betrayed by their caretakers, innocents who deserve a good life. It makes me so incredibly sad.

So many people in this town seem to not care. My across-the-street neighbor leaves his beautiful husky in a kennel all day and all night, chained as well because she tries to escape; who can blame her? Every time I walk by, I just want to cry. Can you imagine? Solitary confinement for your whole life. Feeding an animal does NOT equal proper care. It’s so frustrating.

I have had 2 different farriers out to trim my horses hooves, and both told me that hose slaughter was “necessary” and one says that he sells ones he breeds to the kill buyers if they “don’t earn their keep.” It makes my stomach churn. Since when does an animal owe you anything? How is not being a good rodeo horse warrant painful execution? Why can’t I find people with a heart here?

I’m hoping this next week and weekend things start looking up. Please keep us in your  prayers.

I’m a little obsessed with this right now, but it’s so easy and so delicious, it’s hard not to be. I can hardly buy coffees when I’m out now, as nothing compares to my home made amazingness. Which is really not that terrible of a problem, as at $3+ a cup, it gets a little spendy.

For cold brewing, I use my coffee press, but you can use any container that holds a few cups of liquid (pitcher, quart jar, etc.)

Freshly ground beans are preferable, but I’ve used pre-ground coffee as well and it still turned out.

1. Start by grinding your beans. I fill up my coffee grinder to the top with whole beans and it seem to be the perfect amount for my French press. A medium grind is preferred, not too coarse, and not to fine. Think Goldilocks..

2. Pour grounds into your container.

3. Fill with cold water. Stir. Put a lid on it, or cover with plastic wrap. If you are using a French press, do not push the plunger down.

4. Wait. 12-24 hours. You can leave it on the counter or in the fridge. I’ve been doing about half and half. If I start the process in the morning, I’ll leave it on the counter all day and then pop it in the fridge before I go to bed.


5. Strain off the grounds. If using the press, push down the plunger and pour into another container, dispose of the grounds (mine go into my compost pile) and then return the coffee to the press, and you’re done! If using another type of container, just pour over a mesh strainer with a coffee filter or cheesecloth. Easy peasy.

6. Enjoy! I pour my cold brew over ice and add mild and vanilla syrup. YUM!Image

Hilarious compilation of Vine videos. Disregard the girl on the thumbnail, that’s an ad and has nothing to do with the video.

From Still Another Day

“We the mortals touch the metals,
the wind, the ocean shores, the stones,
knowing they will go on, inert or burning,
and I was discovering, naming all the these things:
it was my destiny to love and say goodbye.”


I have been wanting a tattoo in honor of Addison now for quite a while. I have several ideas, but I just cannot decide…

I love the following lines from Pablo Neruda‘s poem, La Muerta

mis pies querrán marchar hacia donde tú duermes,
pero seguiré vivo

(side by side translation here)

They capture the pain I feel everyday, but also the decision to keep moving forward, no matter how much I want to give up. I love Neruda’s poetry, and even got to visit one of his homes in Chile when I studied abroad, so it has even more weight for me. 

I’m not sure where I would get this (if I do), and in what font. I want it to be visible, but not like in your face. Elegant, but strong. 


I’ve also thought about an angel wing tattoo and someone drew a gorgeous picture of one that I love (you know who you are :)). It would be pretty big though and I would want it somewhere at least sort of visible. 

I’ve also considered getting her tiny footprints and her name and birthday. I feel like since we did not have her buried, there isn’t a permanent mark anywhere (not that I am permanent either…). Hmmm that makes me think we should have a plaque made. Yes I think I want that. Love how writing helps me make decisions sometimes.


Any ideas readers? On placement, subject, etc? I realize it is ultimately up to me, as it will be on my skin, but other’s perspectives are welcome. 



I care about what I put into my body, and in the past year or so I have learned of a chemical called BPA (bisphenol-A) that shows up in many unsuspecting places and is detrimental to our health. An CDC study detected BPA in 93% of study participants’ urine. BPA is an endocrine disruptor, meaning it adversely effects the hormonal balance in humans (and other animals). Despite heaps of evidence on the dangers of this substance, it has not been removed from our food supply. it seems to effect children (especially in utero) more severely, so it is important to monitor your children’s diet closely, and your diet when pregnant. 

Here is an article linking BPA to infertility. 

Here in an article linking BPA to undescended testicles in boys. 

Here is an article linking BPA to thyroid issues and weight gain. 

Here is an article linking BPA to abnormal heart rhythms. 

Convinced yet? Despite evidence to the contrary, the FDA has failed the regulate the use of BPA, and still classifies it as “safe.” 

How to avoid BPA:

  • Do not eat canned food, unless clearly marked “BPA free”: BPA is used in the lining of canned food. I have found one brand, “Eden Organics” at Raley’s. Fresh, frozen, or dried foods are healthier anyway, and produce less waste. 
  • Limit handling of receipt paper: This one was a surprise to me. Just last week I learned that it is a significant ingredient in thermal paper (like for receipts). If given an option, opt for no receipt, it saves paper anyway. 
  • Do not microwave in plastic, this releases more BPA into your food.
  • Do not drink from disposable water bottles. Use a reusable, BPA-free bottle instead. This also saves huge amounts of energy (manufacturing of bottles) and waste. 


This is so cool, read the whole thing, the best part is near the end!

Originally posted on Quartz:

Max Levchin wants to talk to you about cervical mucus. The internet entrepreneur, who co-founded the now ubiquitous online payment service PayPal, has turned his focus to solving a problem he feels is more important than the hassle of entering credit card numbers: Infertility.

His new app, coming to Apple’s App Store next week, is called Glow—and through comprehensive data collection and analysis, it aims to help couples conceive naturally, or steer them towards the right medical help if they can’t. But Levchin wants the software to do more than just mark fertile days on a calendar: He wants to radically change the way American doctors and patients talk about infertility. Oh, and then he wants to turn the United States’ health insurance paradigm on its head.

Levchin and his cofounder, Mike Huang, realized that family planning could benefit from big data when Huang and his wife spent a…

View original 876 more words


Sunday is always waffle day at our house, and since I’m trying to be gluten free these days, I thought I’d whip up a batch of yummy and nutritious waffles.


These waffles have no oil, no sugar (except a dash of my vanilla syrup), and NO GLUTEN! Wooooohooooo!!! Plus, they’re full of nutritious oatmeal and bananas.

GF Banana Pecan Waffles

2 c. oatmeal

dash of baking powder

2 overripe bananas

1 tsp-ish vanilla syrup (or honey, etc)

1.5 c. milk (more if desired)

handful of chopped pecans

Smash bananas in bowl and add syrup.


Put the oatmeal in food processor with baking powder.


Pulse until it looks like this:


Then add oat flour to bowl of mashed bananas. Add milk until batter reaches desired consistency. The oats will absorb as it sits, so you may need to add as you go a bit. I probably added an additional 1/4-1/2 c. Throw in a handful of chopped pecans, stir gently, and you’re done! Well almost… The waffle iron does the last step for ya. :) This recipe made about 5 fairly dense waffles.Image

(my iced coffee is never too far away in the morning!)

Serve with peanut butter and syrup, if that’s your thing!

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